The happiness of secret projects
I must come clean: I have been keeping a secret from you guys. For the past three years, I’ve been working on a special kind of project. It’s still very much a secret, so I can’t reveal any details just yet, but I got so excited that I just had to share something!
How it started
As with most secret projects, it started with an idea. A burst of inspiration somewhere in the back of my mind took root and refused to go away.
It started out slow. A couple of hours per week, on and off. Sometimes I’d go weeks, months even, without thinking about it until it suddenly snuck up on me again and I couldn’t wait to start going at it again. It was difficult to pursue the project while I was working full-time and on the edge of being burned out, so it dragged on forever and I didn’t feel like I was making much progress. Looking back on it now, it was doing it at the exact speed that I needed to. I tend to dive in headfirst into things without much consideration for the consequences and sometimes that works out great, but something I crash and burn. This was too important to take that chance though, so I’m very happy I proceeded with baby steps.
It’s difficult to keep something going when you don’t get immediate results. We are so addicted to fast dopamine-releasing things that it takes true passion to pursue something that takes a long time to complete and/or might never become successful. But there is one thing I kept telling myself: at least I’m trying. I’m putting myself out there, and maybe, just maybe, this could work. Instead of asking myself what if it fails, I now ask myself what if it succeeds? And that answer might be even more terrifying.
How it’s going
The past three months have been a whirlwind I can hardly wrap my mind around. I’ve decided to pursue this project with the attention it deserves and the results are mind-blowing. These past months I’ve learned more than I did in the previous three years. It’s incredible to see what I am capable of, and how much pure joy I can get from this simple thing I’ve always considered a wild pipe dream, that now might actually come true.
Not that it’s easy. Passion and talent can only get you so far; it’s consistency and hard work that puts you over the finish line. I have days when I feel like an imposter and I want to quit. Just throw away everything I’ve built these past years and pretend it never happened. But then someone tells me I got something special here and my heart soars. It’s been a steep learning curve. I’m doing all this on my own, and there’s lots to learn. But every day I notice it goes a little better, a bit smoother. A little closer to the dream.
I’m finishing up an important stage in this project this week, and I couldn’t be more proud of how it went. It’s only the beginning, and I got lots more planned, but it feels so satisfying to check something off on the never-ending to-do list.
Where it will go
Honestly? No clue.
I got an important decision coming up that will determine the future direction of this project. There is no right or wrong way to go here; both are good options. It’s more a matter of personal preference and how much control I want to keep over this project. Either way, it will probably be a few more months before I can tell you something concrete. I’m hoping I can go public with the whole thing by the end of the year.
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